I was born in 1969 and grew up in southern California in a good family with 7 brothers and sisters and parents who gave us many opportunities and experiences in life. My father converted to the LDS church after marrying my mom and both parents have been active and faithful members of the LDS church. I will give a general background of my conversion process.
I grew up as a typical mormon boy, participating in all the regular activities of the mormon church. Seminary graduate, eagle scout, attended EFY each summer, served a 2 year mission to South Korea, married in the Los Angeles temple, have been active in church my whole life and never questioned whether the church was true or not. So for all intents and purposes, although i have been rebellious in nature, at times, and have not been perfect in keeping all of the mormon commandments, i have been active in church, accepted all callings, and tried my best to follow the teachings and direction of the mormon church.
Needless to say, my marriage has had challenges, and i have dealt with personal issues from the time i was in my youth. And nothing I tried to do, like stay active, attend the temple, pray, read the scriptures, talk to my bishop, etc., would ever really solve the problem and the tempation and struggle would still remain. This drove a wedge in my marriage.
I have never questioned the validity of the LDS church or the scripture, prophets, only true church on the earth, and other typical doctrine that the LDS teaches. I have always accepted it and just tried to make sense of it the best I could.
So, now i'm in my fourties, still struggling in my marriage and wondering what to do. I can't see my life continuing on this same path of insanity.
In september of 2013, my wife and I were attending the San Diego temple with our stake, and had gone thru 2 endowment sessions in a row. A new film was presented and we watched it for the first time. (the church has made numerous changes to the endowment cerimony over the years). My wife and I were sitting in the celestial room at the end, which is the final place each initiate comes to after completing the cerimony. She was asking me questions about the cerimony itself, and I was kind of shrugging her off and telling her either, i didn't know the answers or she was looking too much into it.
I went home that evening and sitting in my office alone. I was a little frustrated having once again, attended the temple and not really understood anything new from the endowment cerimony. Along with these feelings of doctrinal frustation, I was also feeling like, my marriage never improves, even when I am trying to follow God and the LDS church.
So, I guess God was ready for me at this point in my life. I decided I was just pray and ask God for some help. I wasn't questioning the validity or the doctrine of the church at all. I just wanted to know a couple of things that the temple was trying to teach me. So, I sincerely asked God to open my eyes and help me understand something about the endowment.
I had the thought to search the internet. So, I googled "LDS temple endowment symbolism"....and went from there. I just looked at the first 5 or 6 websites and chose one. I know now that God leads us in many ways and inspires us in many ways. It's not always a burning bush, a clear voice, the burning in our bosom, among other ways, but he speaks to us in many ways.
I found a website that looked very interesting, and was all about symbolism. I started browsing thru it and read some of the different narratives and articles. After a few minutes of reading about how all things are perfect and all of God's creations are perfect, I was flooded with an overwhelming feeling of love and peace and comfort. The spirit of God came into me so strongly and permeated every part of my soul. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. It was unlike the burning in the bosom, which I have felt. It was like my eyes, my mind, and my heart were suddenly opened to the windows of heaven and I started understanding things of the scriptures, things I had learned before, church doctrine, etc., in a whole new way.
I continued reading things on this website and was also reading the scriptures and getting new understanding from them. I read for hours on end, every night, and sometimes during the day. It was like the spirit of God was cleansing me from worldly things and the desire to study the Word was replacing these other desires.
This spirit, which was electrical, stayed with me for about 3 weeks. Almost a feeling of adrenalin, but spiritual in form. And the miracle of all of this was that for the first time in almost 30 years, the desire and temptations I had dealt with from the time I was 14, had all but vanished. The spirit was truly cleansing my inner vessel, my spirit, my mind, and I was being re-born.
I now look back at this experience and realize that I have been born again, spiritually re-born and a new creature is being created. This only happens thru the power of God and thru the spirit coming into us and changing our hearts, minds, and souls. I can now call myself a born-again-mormon.
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